00:56:03Brian Atlasso you and is that done that's over yes you broke up with him he broke up with you well we weren't together so but I kind of just stopped talking to him I
00:56:14Nicolethought you had really strong feelings for him yes but then I realized that he wasn't who I thought he was because I feel like us women do this often where we like think of someone's potential or
00:56:25Nicolefantasize about who they could be to whereby we get kind of delusional and we think like I'm trying to attract a high value man and like the second I saw that he wasn't like a high value man I have
00:56:37Nicoleno reason to be like talking to someone that isn't when I'm like a high value woman and going towards that and trying to attract that how long it took you to um determine that he was not a high
00:56:51Nicolevalue man probably just like four to 6 months or something I didn't see him that long okay uh not even a potential to be
00:57:01Nicolethough you said a potential potential like his potential yeah like was he he definitely has the potential and he definitely is very knowledgeable about what it takes to be the potential but I
00:57:13Nicolethink us women and men mature at different rates and we also heal differently because women we can sit down a lot of us are going to be more open about our emotions and past
00:57:24Nicoleexperiences learn from each other so we heal at a faster rate and we're able to move on and see the past is kind of lessons I
00:57:34Nicolefeel like men struggle more and they kind of start wanting to hurt women or unintentionally or intentionally because of the pain they felt from other women and it takes them
00:57:48Nicoleinto good like it'll take them into other connections even if like the girl was like right just cuz they haven't like healed themselves but anyways what I'm
00:57:58Brian Atlastrying to say is I think he was more immature than I thought he was how so what what about him was immature I don't want to like call him out hopefully he's not okay here I I
00:58:10Nicolethink I have a good a good hunch he was seeing other women he wasn't loyal to you okay but it also sounded like well it's not like I wasn't seeing other people just not as seriously but it wasn't when you okay
00:58:24Nicolebasically my friend sent me his Tinder and that gave me the ick wait hold on him having did you have any dating apps at this time no I've never had dating but you
00:58:34Brian Atlassaid regardless okay but you said that you were seeing other people too yes but not seriously like I wasn't were you sleeping with him no then why were hold on you're saying during the entire
00:58:47Nicoleperiod of time you were seeing him you didn't sleep with anybody else yeah no so why would you be seeing other people well just to be like open to other people not
00:58:57Nicoleput all your eggs into one basket we're not excl we weren't exclusive we weren't together I'm still open to but so it's an ick for him to have Tinder and to be exploring his options and to be seeing
00:59:10Nicoleother women but if you're doing the exact same thing that's okay it's not that he was exploring his options in other women that throws me off it just that it was on Tinder because I feel
00:59:21Nicolelike a lot of us know that those dating apps especially Tinder for like men they're really like sleeping around kind of with whoever I mean what would you what do you guys think is your opinion I feel like some
00:59:32Q (The Quill) / Jordan (mixed)it's a hookup app definely it's a hookup app but I mean uh but the bottom line is uh you wasn't serious y'all wasn't serious and you say and you saying you regret you
00:59:44J'Quansaid you regret so I'm guessing y'all slept together yes okay so the fact that y'all slept together would it be far-fetched for me to assume that you sleeping with him actually gave you more feelings for him and you didn't like the that he was on
00:59:56J'Quantender because the feeling you had for him were developing past a casual like getting to know you type ordeal okay so basically in her head she caught
01:00:06Nicolefeelings and him being on Tinder um translated to him not basically feeling the same way yeah it's not exactly just about that I guess I kind of viewed it
01:00:16Nicoleas I'm someone who's so careful about careful about who I hook up with and establish a serious connection with that why would I be like giving all my energy
01:00:27Nicoleand all of that to someone who would give that to like anyone on a dating app just for like a quick nut you weren't giving him you weren't giving him all your energy you were dating other men I
01:00:38Shelbywasn't dating other men like seriously how do you know that he was just on the app for a quick nut you said you were like talking to other people he could have been on the app just to talk to
01:00:47Shelbyother people as well Point true and then you were also saying like not doing it safely like he could still be on a dating app and hooking up with people but still doing it
01:00:59J'Quansafely so you cut him off because you seen him on tnder well it was other things too okay cuz she said it gave her the ick which means it was just a visceral response to see him on tender I
01:01:10Nicoleguess I just have very set standards in my head and if something doesn't meet it I don't mind to leave like I'd rather be alone and like respect myself and not
01:01:21Nicolesettle if that makes sense what are the what are the well I think that one of the greatest things a man can have is self-control
01:01:31Nicoleand I can't really picture a man like this Vision that I have of a high value man using Tinder for attention or talking to other people I feel like a
01:01:42Nicolehigh value man like honors and cherishes connections that he meets in like person like more tangible ones if that makes
01:01:50Ella Fredmansense can I ask you a question yes did you want it to be more serious like were were you like you were looking
01:02:00Nicolefor a serious serious relationship with this man not necessarily I even told him I was like I can see myself being with you like in a serious relationship I was super communicative and straight up I
01:02:12Nicolewas just like it's kind of a matter of time I was like I feel like I don't know you that well I want to just experience more time with you and assess like if we could be together but I was super open
01:02:23Nicoleabout like I can like Envision us be being together because we would spend like a good amount of time together and connect on a good level so yeah what are
01:02:34Brian Atlasyou thinking Brian well you said he's not he wasn't a high value man but you you consider yourself a high value woman MH uh but I
01:02:46Brian Atlasmean how quick you said you were seeing him for like four to six months MH uh how quickly into the relationship did you guys hook up or not the relationship how soon did you hook up first night
01:02:58Nicolesecond night third night so basically he is a friend I've had for like four years so we already knew each other very well um but then like the first night when we were alone I should have told
01:03:09Nicolehim how I felt about him because I really liked his like characteristics and his personality mhm and we had gone out and then I hooked up with him the
01:03:20Brian Atlasfirst night it was just the two of us but I already like felt that way and like he was someone very intriguing to me months before that what what did you tell him like how did you cuz you guys were friends before so how did you
01:03:32NicoleBroach this hey by the way I have feelings for you I like you how did you say it I straight up was like I have to be honest with you part of me sees you as a friend but part of me wants more
01:03:44NicoleI'm attracted to you in an intellectual manner like intellectual man yes like I'm like this a guy like a [ __ ] physicist what are we talking about here no not not like that don't take it so
01:03:56Nicoleliterally but like my bad when someone just like opens up your mind you know what I mean or like your conversations are like really good they have a lot of value to like add to your life like lessons that they could teach you and
01:04:08Nicolelike you can teach them a lot like I cherish that a lot in all my kinds of like relationships like friendships or like romantic so I meant it in that sense and I was just super open and
01:04:19Nicolehonest about that so what was his response when you dropped this well he said that he feels like the same way but
01:04:27Nicolethe I can't really speak about these details actually oh cuz like cuz why this can't reach the world like the
01:04:37Brian Atlasreason why like the connection oh so probably couldn't have worked out the connection couldn't have worked out is there like a Family Feud or something a vendetta something it has to do with
01:04:49Nicolelike like what it's not like a it's not serious like a family Vendetta but it's just like more like nothing wait I think I
01:05:00Nicoleknow is it's related to your family somewhat no like how your parents might view him no not at all nothing nothing political
01:05:10Brian Atlasnothing family just other people in like the circle oh he [ __ ] like three of your friendss no no then what is it I wouldn't have been bro nobody watches
01:05:21Nicolethe podcast there's like three people watching go ahead cap you literally have like four million subscribers on YouTube out this is social media like
01:05:31Nicolethis is real nowadays like wait give us a hint give us a hint like what's it um there was just things in the past that were stopping us from like pursuing
01:05:42Brian Atlasthe connection he was dating a chick no no he was gay no had a history of abuse no nothing like that you you were dating
01:05:54Nicolehis homie Courtney do you think I should just kind of say it or said it Courtney Courtney Courtney Courtney I mean give them a little bit
01:06:04Nicolemore how can I do that do it how can I do that and not say too
01:06:11Nicolemuch do it yes you can just do it I mean YOLO well basically there was people that we were involved with romantically in the past that probably wouldn't have
01:06:23Nicolebeen Happ happy if they found out we had a connection what why does that matter
01:06:32Brian Atlasyeah okay guys I can't say anymore wait there are people that each of you were romantically so is it like a thing where
01:06:42Brian Atlashe was dating somebody's ex and you were dating somebody's y'all were interconnected everybody was y'all was like in this
01:06:51Nicolecircle friend like incest friend groups from high school like no like not like that it was like Nick you've got experience from that no I just thought supposed
01:07:04Brian Atlasto oh okay I thought you were saying that you had a something in high school like okay I apologize Nick they're related are you guys related no oh my God that's what it
01:07:15Nicoleis no that's what it is did he get like one of your friends pregnant or something no it's just she's not going to it's just stuff I can't really speak on the same way like Ella couldn't
01:07:25Nicolereally but what I will say is that I'm very grateful for any experience and I feel like anyone should be and like even with your ex now or whatever sometimes
01:07:37Nicoleyou don't even deserve closure sometimes the connection just isn't meant to be and we're so young and sometimes it just like take what they taught you I'm sure you taught them some stuff and just take that wisdom into your next relationship
01:07:49Nicoleand spare to other people like this right here and not everything has to be so negative and I'm grateful for him he's still someone that I value it's interesting though because you you s
01:08:00Brian Atlaslike kind of stepping away from this particular convo but you're upset that he was like on Tinder and it wasn't he was maybe seeing other women but you
01:08:09Brian Atlaswere seeing other guys but you never it sounded like you had said hey uh I could
01:08:17Brian Atlassee myself being serious with you down the road mhm but it almost sounds like you didn't want to close things
01:08:27Brian Atlasoff did you at any point want things to be closed no like it's something I envisioned in like the future but just because you knew this guy for four years
01:08:36Ella Fredmanand you liked him like what this is okay well she's young she's 20 yeah that's a perfect time whole life to determine no you don't have your whole life she does
01:08:47Ella Fredmanyou don't your life girl yeah like date around see what you like you know that M men at the same time no don't
01:08:57Nicoledate multiple men at the same time the don't do that of course uh can I say sex yeah you can say sex okay I mean honestly I just think about this one tick tocker I don't know his name but he
01:09:10Nicolejust talks about how like back in the day men used to be like the Chasers and the pursuers so much more like you had multiple men knocking on one woman's like door and she could pick and choose and like her and her family could pick
01:09:23Nicoleand choose doesn't mean she was seeing them seriously but I don't know I feel like the ball is more like SE in like the women's court and like the women should be pursued if that makes sense
01:09:35Nicoleand I don't see anything wrong with women seeing many men as long as she's very clear about her intentions and that she's doing that do you agree I mean that's how it used to be there was like
01:09:46Brian Atlaswell I mean there's a couple things so first off I don't know if Tik Tok is a if if it's that if that's a the best source for historical dating information but um
01:09:58Biddoh you have something and I'll respond go ahead so this is might be a little off topic but like when we're looking at when we're looking at science and we're going way back in the day like way back
01:10:08Biddat the beginning of human evolution um there was actually studies that found that the human species as a whole was not scientifically meant to be monogamous right so there's scientific
01:10:21Biddevidence that supports the reason why like female are able to orgasm multiple times is because they were supposed to go with multiple partners and literally
01:10:29Biddthe shape yeah no oh my God [ __ ] and the the shape of the man's like head is literally shaped like that to scoop out
01:10:39Biddcompetive right because just like in the race of which sperm is going to be able to fertilize it was the same thing with male competitors back in the day in the beginning of evolution right so whoever
01:10:51Biddhad the strongest sperm whoever had the strong youngest genetics right whoever's genes were going to be able to survive longer and benefit the human race more were the ones that were actually able to
01:11:02Biddmeet the egg and fertilize but nowadays we have Society we have civilization we have all these other things and all these other standards that monogam is just kind of become a part of it right
01:11:13Biddwhich there's nothing wrong I mean humans in general are a very social species and we do need to be around each other you take someone you put them in solitary confinement you don't let them see anyone they're going to go crazy they're going to lose their minds and
01:11:26Biddthey're just not going to know how to socialize with anyone right and it's kind of that's kind of how we people are and we have it in our heads now that we need to find someone we need to do this we need to do this and we just need to
01:11:38Biddsettle down and everything but when our reality when you're looking for a relationship instead of looking for oh is this a high value man is this this is this this think of is this person going to support me is this person going to
01:11:49Biddstand by me am I going to be able to financi emotionally and just in general grow with this person to raise kids to start a future to stay steady in life
01:12:01Biddinstead of looking at all these things oh he had one Tinder account think okay later down the line is that Tinder account going to stay cuz like she said we are young and things do happen and there is time to change and fix things
01:12:12J'Quanand grow in a relationship oh oh can I can I can I say something in response to what you just said yes um the first thing is which one of the sexist get pregnant the female the female okay so
01:12:23J'Quanaccording to sexual selection Theory I you you're not quite wrong but you're not accurate in what you just described and I'm going to tell you why sexual selection Theory the sex that has the
01:12:35J'Quanbabies they have more paternal investment parental investment yes so it's not the men so it's maternal investment right sperm competition is what you're referring to yes but women didn't necessarily select multiple men
01:12:47J'Quanto sleep with the further back you go the more anal animalistic we were right so that means men went on to women like of I can't say the word yeah but that was much more of a natural occurrence in
01:13:00J'Quanthe natural world the further back you go and the more primitive humans were so like our testd size is it speaks to sperm competition but the woman has always been more selective than the man
01:13:11J'Quanand the woman has evolved to select the best mate that she sees for her so that's why women typically get attached to one man most women do not date multiple men at a time even with her advice saying I recommend you date
01:13:24J'Quanmultiple men I don't even have to say anything against that because that's not naturally the route that women are going to take if multiple men come at a woman a woman is going to develop feelings for one man and naturally cut the rest of
01:13:34J'Quanthe men off naturally so even so even if even if you give the advice like date multiple women or date multiple men she's not going to do it even if you even if you tell her you should this could be effective this could help you try to get the dating outcomes that you
01:13:47TTS/Donationswant she's still going to naturally release endorphins hormones that's specific to one man especially if they have sex which speaks to her case grid One Motorsports donated $200 do not listen to the chick that
01:13:59TTS/Donationscannot keep a man and has never been married or to the fake science girl do not date around men value Purity and Beauty so be that men are Hunters be
01:14:10J'Quanprey okay so yeah so that's that's what I'm saying so I get what you're saying we aren't naturally monogamous but women are more monogamous than men men are more polygamous than women and you see that in our physiology our an iCal
01:14:23J'Quanfeatures so that's what I'm saying that's what I'm explaining so you weren't exactly wrong about the monogamy part but women are more monogamous than men and women will tend to get with one man over multiple men they don't really want to date multiple men at one time
01:14:36Biddand naturally the behaviors that they exhibit is going to be exclusive to one man once she finds a man that she likes yeah and I'm not saying like sleep around like if you want to that's fine it's not like something I'm like
01:14:47Biddspecifically saying I'm just saying that that like these um roots that we have May maybe embedded into us because it is what started our whole species right so
01:14:59Nicolewe could still have these feelings and that could be why sometimes things happen you know what I'm saying I understand what you're saying also you were talking about how to look more into like can a man support
01:15:11Nicoleme can I grow with a man but those things I kind of Encompass within like a high value man you know what I mean those are the kind of questions that come when you think of what is a high
01:15:21Nicolevalue man I feel like in I guess I kind of just saw I'm not saying he can't become one or someone like that can't become one I just feel like one of the traits a high value man has or like a
01:15:33J'Quanpartner I'm trying to attract is self-control and I don't really see that as self-control or maturity can I can I can I hint on that too um I'm really
01:15:42J'Quancurious when women say self-control as a man men typically when men become high value they may have came from a position where they weren't desirable so if a man becomes desirable he now has women that
01:15:55J'Quanare approaching him women being around him that he never would have gotten so it's kind of unrealistic to expect a man to just know how to have sexual discipline if he wasn't exposed to beautiful women he didn't attract
01:16:08J'Quanbeautiful women at some point in his life so most men when they become High VI you can look at you can look at entertainers you can look at athletes you can look at any guys higher on the socioeconomic ladder when they get women around them they typically are going to
01:16:20J'Quan[ __ ] a lot of those women around them so tender just makes it easier for guys to exercise that option especially if he's a desirable guy on a dating app so I when women say that I'm like that's not
01:16:31J'Quanrealistic to expect a man to have dick discipline especially if he never had to learn it that's what I'm saying that's a very interesting point yeah thank you
01:16:42Nicolethat makes sense who is next another thing though about like the Tinder profile is that his bio for the Tinder profile was Nita
01:16:52Nicoleplus one and like days before my friend sent me that he took me as a plus one to like a bar and with his friends so then I was kind of like I don't want to be one of the other plus ones I can't
01:17:04Nicolereally assess how serious he was about that bio or if he's using the app to seek out girls to bring as a plus one to events to bring around his friends but I kind of saw as that's kind of embarrassing and pathetic for me I don't
01:17:17Nicolewant to be like one of the many girls that he brings as a plus one around his friends like I think that's special and like important when someone introduces you to their friends and I kind of just didn't like that you know I don't want
01:17:29J'Quanto be just one of those other ones like seen as a side [ __ ] exactly did you talk to him about it did you have a conversation once he once you seen that and it gave you the I kind of I just sent it to him because also this is
01:17:40Nicoleanother thing is that the first picture on his Tinder profile was in my old department so I was kind of just like wow like are you like that just kind of
01:17:52Shelbylike rud all of that or I don't know I just I just want to be fully respected I think uh you might be looking too much into that I feel like girls look way more into that than guys do cuz I guarantee he just saw the photo and he was like damn I look good and then
01:18:05Nicoleyou're seeing that and you're looking all into it and you're like that's in my apartment I was just like looking at all of it and him lying about his age on the profile and him saying need a plus one when I was just brought as a plus one
01:18:16Nicoleand it being in like my old Department I think I just didn't want to keep talking to him after that I don't know okay I feel like when people are in uh say like
01:18:27SPEAKER_12a man and woman are just like in like the talking stage of getting into a relationship a lot of women will kind of treat it already like it's a relationship even though it's not so I
01:18:38SPEAKER_12also did want to ask like were you guys treating the I guess talking stage or situationship like what you guys had like the same equally the same like did you guys respect each
01:18:49Nicoleother's um standards and fit the those standards and everything like that yeah I guess we didn't really talk about our standards through the talking stage cuz
01:19:00Nicolewe weren't talking seriously for that long and as far as we talked about it it was kind of like we can see ourselves being together just not right now and we're kind of assessing if like how
01:19:13SPEAKER_12serious that could be you know and I feel like that lack in communication when you are in that talking stage like can really [ __ ] a situationship up because you're trying to Envision this person to fit all of your standards yet
01:19:24SPEAKER_12those standards are never really communicated yet so I feel like that's one of like the big things that maybe I did mess up by not communicating to him and maybe I do owe him communication
01:19:37Nicolestill instead of just like having ghosted him yeah I would Rec I've thought about that a lot but sometimes pride gets in the way cuz obious that was and like annoying to see cuz I really don't want to be just another
01:19:49Nicoleplus one like I'm not sleeping with other people like doesn't me I'm not seeing other people but just to be like someone else's plus one out of that I don't know how many you know I don't know it's also important to know he
01:20:02J'Quancan't read your mind either so if you saying you if you saying you see him as a potential long-term romantic partner then it is imperative that you communicate that because he could be left out in the cold wondering what happened and you saw something that turned you off and you made a decision
01:20:15J'Quanoff of that turn off that ended up breaking severing you guys' relationship so that should be something that you actually should revisit if I mean if if you're open to it and that's something you think about still I say I would recommend that you revisit that and
01:20:27Courtneyclear up that line of communication thank you absolutely did we go around with Rel status yet she's next so my longest relationship was um
01:20:38Courtneyabout a year and a half and currently I'm single now uh how long ago did your relationship end about two years ago two years and you're not talking to anyone
01:20:49Courtneyright now nope no I'm not actually Nick did you say that yeah
01:21:03Jordanwhoa oh name dropped okay and you um I have been single
01:21:13Jordanfor almost 5 years now um my longest relationship was almost 3 years I'm going oh okay um um I'm single
01:21:24J'Quanas an unmarried um I date when I feel like it my longest relationship has been uh 3 years it was 3 years um do you all plan to like want to
01:21:34Shelbyget married one day or have children I do me too yeah yeah me too I don't know about kids but getting married
01:21:45Nikkiyeah I don't I don't think we I don't really believe in marriage anymore you don't believe in marriage aspect of marriage not I just feel like there's so much like love I think that I could
01:21:58SPEAKER_12possibly give that I just don't see myself just like being with one person anymore you think you could Channel all that love into one person and make a
01:22:08Nikkibeautiful relationship out of it I just think dating now especially with like the internet and like where I live in LA too like I just feel like the dating poll is just not serious so I'm not
01:22:20Nikkigoing to like manifest my mind into like thinking like marriage marriage marriage like I actually want to put that love into like myself and like be more putting into just myself I'm not going
01:22:31Nikkito just focus on marriage like I like I respect everyone that wants to get married and have kids but I feel like I just don't well do you have a desire for a committed long-term relationship
01:22:43Nikkiexclusivity if it comes but like I'm not going to wait or like cross my fingers or like wish for that to happen okay yeah get out yeah and the kid thing like I've even thought about like even if I
01:22:56Nikkicould adopt like and just have a kid for myself you know like I think us as women we're all like have that motherly Instinct and I have a cat so like I felt
01:23:05Nikkifor your cat situation I have four now so oh but um the marriage thing I'm like whatever like whatever is on it I'm not expecting it I'm not going to like deny
01:23:18Nikkiif somebody proposed to me I would say yes I mean like if I love them you know I would say yes but I'm not going to pretend to think that like I'm going to live like how my grandparents were like married for like 20 30 plus years or
01:23:31Brian Atlaswhatever like I just don't think that really exists anymore like unfortunately uh hold on let me just reather the conversation here um bro I
01:23:41Brian Atlas[ __ ] spilled water not just on the table but I lit on all on me so uh and don't have any [ __ ] change of clothes so um relationship status did you share can
01:23:53Courtneyyou share it again since I was gone my longest relationship was a year and a half and I am currently single how long have you been single two years two
01:24:04Jordanyears okay and you I'm currently single uh for almost 5 years now and longest relationship was almost three years three years okay got it and dcoin I know
01:24:15Brian Atlasyour situation um so the point where I got [ __ ] doused in my [ __ ] um you were saying that monogamy is not the natural order
01:24:27Biddof things for humans yes so I was talking about just like genetically and kind of why we're facing a lot of the issues that we're
01:24:36Biddfacing nowadays may be rooted to how we originally evolved like started evolving did you want me to like go over the whole like scientific theory or no I
01:24:48Brian Atlasmean I heard most of it but I mean I just it may certainly be the case that we are less monogamous now and that we
01:24:58Brian Atlasmight have a proclivity towards um polygamy yeah however we also have a proclivity towards violence and thieving
01:25:08Brian Atlasand stealing so Society reinforces behavior that is more conducive to a positive social structure
01:25:20J'Quanand the fact of the matter is polygamy is absolutely destructive to social order also don't forget well let me just point out that still even today though the most common form of dating is serial
01:25:32J'Quanmonogamy So when you say monogamous we may not want to we can't be together with somebody forever like one person just forever but we do tend to pair up in in certain increments of time like
01:25:45J'Quanmaybe two years like the average relationship is 17.2 months so about one to two years we pair up and we form those parab bonds essentially to raise kades yeah exactly but um there was
01:25:57Biddactually um it's called Universe 25 it was a Harvard science experiment and basically what they did was they created a Utopia for rats to basically mimic
01:26:08Biddlike human society and it showed in conclusion that even with everything that they had to survive to live they their society still crumbled no matter how many universes that they made and you can look it up it's called Universe
01:26:21Bidd25 um their society still crumbled it eventually made it to where um there were these mice called the pretty ones that would just groom themselves all day they did not seek sex they did not seek
01:26:35Biddpartnership they didn't seek work looking for food anything it got to the point where the females had reclus themselves up into higher up nesting boxes and eventually their society crumbled because they lacked the uh
01:26:46Jordansocial ability to be able to procreate socialize and overall interact with each other but that society that Society though what happened was the males became
01:26:57Jordanfeminized and we need the males to be men to uphold the society so the women the female mice overtook the men basically okay hold on here but here I'm
01:27:09Brian Atlasjust going to I'm not even going to give Credence to your when did the study take place so it was actually a recent study it was done by Harvard you can look it up it's called I don't give a [ __ ] about IV League schools we know that the
01:27:21Brian Atlaspeople coming out of IV League schools are absolutely brain dead so uh like okay you went to Harvard you did a study at Harvard cool I don't give a [ __ ] about
01:27:31Brian Atlasrats we are not rats we are humans so show me a study that says that there is a better way to organize humans than monogamy so I'm not saying to organize
01:27:43Biddit better than monogamy I'm saying that humans have all the tools that they need to be able to function to have monogamy to have every like literally everything they need right but humans keep finding
01:27:54Bidda way to make their own problems to create issues do you see kind of what I'm saying I'm sorry I know I'm not very good at putting it into words but no but you're citing some Harvard and the the study could have
01:28:07Brian Atlascame from Santa Barbara City College for all I care um you're citing this study about rats rats defecate like granted humans [ __ ]
01:28:17Brian Atlasdefecate on the street too I suppose how do we test our medicines like all of medic but it doesn't go rats and then it's immediately approved for humans they do like inv vitro invivo studies then they'll test them on animals and
01:28:30Brian Atlasthen they'll test them on humans and you'll have plenty of studies that are tested in rats oh look it works great in rats but then you test on a human and they have tons of terrible side effects so just because there's there's evidence
01:28:43Biddof something working or not working in rats doesn't mean that that's necessarily indicative of how that's going to man manifest itself in humans and yes this is true but you can already see the patterns that are starting to
01:28:55Biddform is what I'm saying like the patterns of society starting to slowly diminish by people not being able to hold down relationships a lot of people like birth rates are slowly declining
01:29:06Brian Atlasyeah but this is why we need to like defund social like social the social sciences because they're all like [ __ ] and like okay cool rats did
01:29:16Brian Atlasstuff like how's that relevant what what discipline at Harvard conducted this study was it like sociology or something
01:29:27BiddI believe it was I can am I allowed to look it up to show it to you or I mean I don't know if we'd be able to find it but like it's called Universe 25 but we
01:29:39Brian Atlasreally I mean I just don't take it's these are soft Sciences there's not like there's so many glaring issues if like they lack controls and like a rat study it was done over the course of 50 years
01:29:51Biddwith multiple different univers 50 rats cool no not 50 rats oh so 50 years of rats yeah basically 50 years of rats in multiple different universes that had the same W is this what the best
01:30:02Brian Atlasinstitution the supposed best institution of higher education is spending its money on and granted it's private I think it's private so there's no Public Funding for Harvard but
01:30:12Brian Atlas50-year study on rats what really 50 years on rats I want to say something I feel like sorry I'm
01:30:21Courtneynot uh discounting what you said but I feel like maybe technology has more of an effect
01:30:31SPEAKER_12on monogamy are you trying to kind of advancement oh sorry are you trying to kind of prove how even though what you're given say like in the rat study
01:30:44SPEAKER_12or whatever like no matter what they're going to go for what they're naturally selected to go towards yes what was the study trying to measure
01:30:56Biddum it was trying to measure how if you have everything right so let's say there is no world hunger let's say we don't need to work let's say we have everything handed to us we figured everything out we solved every problem
01:31:07Biddwe have right eventually basically what the study is trying to say is that we will get so bored and so out of our minds that we're going to start getting confused and not knowing what to do with
01:31:18Biddourselves but how does that translate to monogamy or polygamy so it translates to monog sorry it translates to monogamy and all this and basically what's happening with modern day dating because
01:31:30Biddin the study there was a point in time where um basically the subjects had started declining in monogamy they started becoming more polyamorous right
01:31:43Biddand then eventually over the course of time it became no one was anything anymore nothing was breeding so I'm saying we could be in that part of time in human
01:31:53Biddhistory where we have everything we need basically handed to us cuz what do we do we have our whole lives planned we go to work we go home we eat we sleep we
01:32:04SPEAKER_12repeat okay do we not I feel like I kind of get I kind of understand what you're getting at but at the same time although humans aside from rats although humans are naturally going to go for things
01:32:16SPEAKER_12that they probably shouldn't go for like Brian was saying like shoplifting theft all this stuff like that and say non- monogamy there's also like a right and a wrong in society so you have to be able
01:32:28SPEAKER_12to choose between those two and evidently and probably statistically I don't know the statistics on this but mon monogamous relationships do succeed a lot more they
01:32:40Bidddo but if you've noticed throughout the course of history the percentage of monogamous relationships has been going down so what does that tell us about ourselves as a society and where we are I think like Courtney was where where
01:32:52Nicolethey been going down technology has a major impact on relationships nowadays and I understand the picture you're painting with the study but I also think that it
01:33:03Nicoledoesn't apply to our society nowadays because us humans aren't necessarily at a point where everything's handed to us so that need for pous relationships
01:33:14TTS/Donationsisn't donated $200 you don't see rats posing for an Instagram selfie closed I think it's technology I think
01:33:26Jordanrats aside though I don't think it's rats rats aside though I think you're kind of getting the wrong message from that because it's the whole easy times create weak men so the utopian Universe
01:33:37Jordanfailed because thank you Bender the offender because the men be the male mice became feminized the Utopia there the um there was a universe the only one that succeeded was the one where they gave
01:33:49Jordanthem almost nothing and they had to to basically fight for everything so that was the that was the universe that succeeded so I think you're kind of getting the wrong message from that because it's really about they had everything they needed so the men became
01:34:01J'Quanprincesses basically yeah and it's also trying to and it's also trying to it's also trying to project like a lot of our sexual behaviors are shaped uh by sexual selection pressures which means Society wasn't perfect we developed Things based
01:34:13J'Quanoff of how we went like how things were in in our evolutionary past we selected for certain things that gave us adaptations advantages for us to keep our species going so when you have a
01:34:25J'Quanstudy like that it's not measuring the same things the the the circumstances are not the same the control is not the same the situations are not the same so it's hard to extrapolate that when it's coming from uh a this utopian
01:34:37J'Quanperspective like what she said like essentially even if that was the case let's say hypothetically that human society was like that I still don't think that would eliminate monogamy and I don't think that would eliminate
01:34:49J'Quanmonogamy because that it would be another hundreds of thousands of years before the human brain develops past its natural proclivity to form parab bonding relationships that sustain children
01:35:00J'Quanbecause human babies have the longest periods of infancy and and vulnerability and we have the longest gestation period so it would take another hundreds of thousand years for humans to even evolve
01:35:12Brian Atlasto that point like I found a study if you want so I mean I reject your rat study but let's assume let's assume I accept
01:35:23Biddyour rat study uh what are you trying to say that polygamy is desirable no no no what are you suggesting I'm basically suggesting that everyone's like so
01:35:35Biddcaught up in social media in themselves and everything and just what how do I word this um sorry just kind of how everyone want
01:35:47Biddlike wants things oh my gosh so sorry everyone's so caught up and like how Society is now with social media and everything that they're not focusing on actual bonds with people versus like uh like looking into actually raising a
01:36:01Biddfamily looking into all these other things instead they're more focused on like my picture oh this guy's cute instead of more um like am I going to be
01:36:11Biddable to be with this person forever do we benefit each other equally will be be able to um basically succeed in life and upbring each other like pushing each
01:36:22Courtneyother to grow greater or you see what I'm saying you also have to remember a lot of people have or everyone has their own intention like not everyone has the same goal
01:36:34Jordanword well social media is making people disposable particularly uh dating apps it's making people just you just swipe and they're gone and people ghost each
01:36:43Brian Atlasother and people are just disposable now this all stemmed from I think we're talking to you about yes this dude you were dating
01:36:53Brian Atlasand um I forgot exactly my the questions that I had for that but um I think I asked you said he was not a high value man but you're a high value woman M what
01:37:05Nicolemakes you a high value woman I'm focus on my education that's something I value I focus on exercising I'm nurturing kind loving
01:37:16Nicolerespectful I'm a great sister I'm very involved in my family I'm religious to an extent I don't just sleep around with whoever I'm very
01:37:27Nicoleselective about that I'm careful about who I surround myself with I don't go out often I don't really smoke anything anymore at all like I had that time
01:37:37Nicoleperiod of when's the last time you you talking about weed yeah and nicotine when's the last time you smoked weed probably like a month ago and I don't do it very often is what I'm
01:37:49Nicolesaying how when's the last time you smoked nicotine like a month to I mean that's not a very long track record but I'm also 20 years old so you
01:38:00Nicoleknow what I mean like your age I mean I don't think your age is no I'm just talking about like you know a high value woman is not going to be like a 16-year-old girl like I'm on the path to
01:38:11Nicoleget there and some of my characteristics embody that and I want to continue working towards that because I think do you party on the weekends I haven't been lately the only time I'm going to be be
01:38:21Nicolepartying this month is like after finals when's the last time you went out and partied on the weekend during Thanksgiving that's different if it's holidays but like most people here in
01:38:32NicoleSanta Barbara have to go out like once a week so Thanksgiving was two weeks ago yeah and I just went out cuz that was like a holiday and from home before
01:38:43Nicolethaten and then yeah stuff like that and then what about before that well I don't I don't really remember but it was not of out drunk no it just hasn't been that
01:38:54Brian Atlasoften but I think high value women don't go out to bars and clubs and parties and get shitfaced and drunk and tanked but I'm not it's not clear to me if you do but that's why I'm saying like I'm not
01:39:05Nicoletrying to as much and when I do it it's kind of to celebrate with my friends like we finished the quarter just to go out with like my girls it's very
01:39:14Nicoleinteresting because men always think that women go out to go sleep with like men but the thing is that's
01:39:24Nicolesome great projection and I recently talked to some guy friends and we were just having conversations like this trying to educate each other and they were saying nine times out of 10 when a
01:39:35Nicoleman goes out he goes out with an intention of ultimately sleeping with a woman that night but I was talking about when us women do I'm sure some of us do it with the intention of sleeping with a
01:39:46Nicoleman but a lot of the time we're doing it just to celebrate have fun like be a girl literally just dance with our friends and make fun heartfelt memories I'm not saying some don't go out with that intention of sleeping with someone
01:40:00Brian Atlasbut the intentions the majority of the time don't line up they I'm curious and Q I think you probably have something to win on on that but if you're just trying to
01:40:11Brian Atlashave fun why not just have a night in with your female friends put on some music get some alcohol and drink in your house why the need to go to very specific social
01:40:24Brian AtlasGathering venues where the drinks are really expensive people are drunk and obnoxious there's strangers there it's sometimes unsafe it's sometimes
01:40:35Brian Atlasdangerous um the music is perhaps too loud that you don't get to pick the music that you want I'm just curious like what is the purpose of going to say a bar or a nightclub or a party I think
01:40:47CourtneyCourtney has something to say before I did you well because it's like a big playground everyone's drunk running around stupid it's fun it's not always the intention of hooking up with someone and it doesn't have to be but some
01:41:00Brian Atlaspeople have that intention that's okay and I think you're talking mean you guys can dance around it all you want kind atmosphere you you guys can dance around it all you want but the reality is like people go to these very specific social
01:41:11Brian AtlasGatherings for the potential opportunity of meeting a new person some people you can women like to dance around this but the reality is like
01:41:20Nicoleyou're you're going out and like you want to meet a guy at these parties no yes you do not the always sometimes you're in the mood for example we go out
01:41:32Courtneythen why not just stay in I don't get it well because the atmosphere can you the lights the loudness oh the lights there's full yeah the dark like it's fun and you can't always have that loud of
01:41:44Nicolemusic in your house go to your girlfriend's house Brian turn the lights off get a laser pointer Chase it around the ground like a [ __ ] cat when we go out when we go out together and like the places we go out to we don't pay for
01:41:57Nicoledrinks because we have con and we have promoters female privilege yes it's female privilege and you're [ __ ] rejecting because you're mad that you're not a woman you're madad I don't go though I don't we are
01:42:08Nicoletreated like princesses where we go and we are respected people don't look at us maybe they want to sleep with us but they don't act like that they respect us
01:42:19Brian Atlasand they treat us like princesses really the guys respect you at ISA Vista parties professional yeah okay no it's not in Isa Vista this is excuse me you go to the upscale luxurious Santa
01:42:31NicoleBarbara college parties no no no we drive we go places we go to like have Hollywood and la oh you guys have fake IDs we should the the age of entry for
01:42:42Courtneyestablishments that serve alcohol is 21 you guys are 20 and 20 okay so you have fake IDs cool I mean isn't that known like isn't that like a obious thing like
01:42:53Shelbyit's okay we're we're going to be 21 in 2 months of I don't care Nikki what do you bring to the table though cuz you say you're like a high value woman and things like that and what makes you a high value woman you're going towards your education you're religious you're
01:43:06Brian Atlasfocusing on your Fitness but like that's such basic [ __ ] that any woman could do I also I'd point out you mentioned like your per education think it's such basic [ __ ] that any woman can do to be honest
01:43:18Brian AtlasI goge that's like the most basic thing go to colge go to the gym we like subsidized people that shouldn't be going to college going to college but okay no I'm not speaking about you I'm
01:43:30Brian Atlasjust saying like there's a large cohort of people that's why College prices are so expensive because the government is basically co-signing on these irresponsible 18-year-olds taking out
01:43:41Brian Atlasfive to six figures of student loans that they have no chance of repaying when they're pursuing their feminist studies and [ __ ] with other degrees anyway sorry I'm like life experence do you know how to change a
01:43:53Biddtire no I don't know how to change a tire but that's where men and women differ so if you get stranded on the side of the road you're not going to be able to change your tire yeah no I'm not
01:44:04Nicoleso does that mean she's a low value person there's a lot of like more things that's why it's important for there to be like a great line between feminine and masculine roles I'm a I'm a woman
01:44:16Nicolelike I'm not so all those things that you're saying like yes those those are like feminine traits that make a high value woman changing a tire isn't one of those because I need like a man
01:44:28J'Quanto do that maybe to you some guys might think a chick changing the tire is hot as [ __ ] did you have something on the whole club party thing yeah I was going to say I was I was going to say um it's
01:44:39J'Quanessentially for validation that's that's what it is everything else is rationalizations it's essentially for validation when you said free drinks the
01:44:49J'Quanit's the acknowledgement it's the rewards it's guys basically seeing you you being seen you being giv things to free gifts it's the opportunity to be in
01:45:01J'Quanan atmosphere where you feel like you're valued you mean something and what comes out what comes out of that often is if it's a club with a VIP section if
01:45:13J'Quanthere's guys in there who are high status they the top guys you get invited into their VIP section you get special acknowledgement you get special privilege you're essentially advertising yourself that's what you're doing
01:45:25J'Quanwhether you want to agree with it or not whether you believe it or not you essentially putting yourself in a dating scene because that's why men go to clubs that's why men party they know women are going to be there that's why y'all get
01:45:36J'Quanin free that's that's that's an offering to the men it's like you guys show up you guys got to pay what you got to pay but the ladies that y'all are going to essentially be able to choose from especially if you're a guy with money
01:45:47J'Quanyou got a club section you VIP these are the women that we're bringing so we bring women in free y'all pick the women that y'all want to choose from and that's essentially what it is it's an advertisement it's an opportunity for validation and it's essentially being
01:45:59Brian Atlasyou serve to Men on a platter if they want that from you that's essentially what it Bo you don't just and one thing and I'll let you respond to him you say that you don't party a lot but you have
01:46:10Brian Atlasfound it necessary to get a fake ID so that you can party but I told you I'm still young so I'm still working towards you said a lot but that's something I
01:46:21Nicolerecently started doing the months I had that since the end of my senior year of high school Brian so you've been partying I'm a junior at UCSB I I went through those phases but
01:46:34Nicolein any point in anyone's life you're constantly being educated on new things so I'm I'm constantly growing as a person and I'm going to be learning more and more as I go and that's something I've recently started to Value you know
01:46:47Nicoleeveryone kind of goes crazy like their freshman year of college for example I think or at some point or another so that's at the point I am well let me just and I know you wanted to respond to
01:46:57Brian AtlasI would just say like gentlemen do not date current or former party girls girls who go to bars clubs Etc um that's it that's all I had to say
01:47:07Nicolegentlemen I want you to know that women and men have different intentions when it comes to that and I I understand what you're saying because those are men's
01:47:19Nicoleintentions and that's why want the girls there because those are their hopes but that doesn't mean the women will necessarily uphold those hopes and intentions of the men to go out we're very different so there are going to be
01:47:30Nicolesome girls that go out and do have those intentions like I was saying and some men that will get those wishes for fulfilled but then there are those women that aren't going to advertise
01:47:42Brian Atlasthemselves or end up sleeping with those guys well just by virtue of you being in the club is advertising just by virtue of you posting photos on Instagram that is advertising men have you ever approached
01:47:54Nicolea guy rarely rarely how often have you been approached I think you asked this in the last podcast but I said it was like 90% th like 10% me but like when you go
01:48:07J'Quanout like you get approached a lot right see this is I mean this is the difference between men and women is that so every time you go out you're putting yourself in an environment to be approached especially if it's a bar or a
01:48:19Nicoleclub but we could control how we react you you can you can honestly bar or club us women will be on the street wearing sweats no makeup hair up we'll still get
01:48:31Nicoleapproached and again this is a fundamental difference between men and women and it's about how we react and just because we want to put ourselves in an environment while you're young I'll
01:48:43Nicoleliterally call my mom and ask her like should I go out mom cuz I'll still sometimes be like but I like want to celebrate and she's like you should because one day you're going to have children and like you're going to have to watch them and you won't be able to
01:48:54Nicolelike be young and have fun like Run free and like dance with your friends like she's not like yeah like go sleep with some guy like no it's not like that it's
01:49:03Nicolekind of about also like preserving your youth because all of these things become intangible one day you know I mean you can if you were so inclined a 50-year-old could go to some [ __ ]
01:49:15Brian Atlas21-year-old hot spot if she wanted to I guess but I mean also I would actually argue it's if you're trying to preserve your youth actually staying out late drinking partying doing drugs smoking being in these stressful chaotic
01:49:28Brian Atlasenvironments actually contribute more to you aging than if than not engaging in them you only live once but like you drinking your soda could also contribute
01:49:39Brian Atlasto you aging is that what bism I mean like affecting your immune system I mean this is like a secret juice it's not first off I'm not drinking soda oh I don't
01:49:50Nicoleknow I'm drinking like a lot could be said about different things you know what I mean like that that argument could be said for so many different topics okay but I was specifically addressing your argument about preser preserving your youth by
01:50:03Brian Atlasgoing out to bars and nightclubs look the difference is is that men and women are different in How They Run game so to speak so I'm going to credit uh there's
01:50:15Brian Atlasthis Twitter thread that I've referenced before from ldg I want to give him credit of course so women don't approach men they put themselves in positions where they could be approached by men like clubs for
01:50:27Brian Atlasexample they're not going to DM a guy but they'll post pictures to lure men into dming them for example on Instagram men are salesmen women are marketers so
01:50:39Brian Atlasthe difference like most guys are just too naive and lack the capacity to be ID able to identify this distinction so in a committed relationship I think that men should stop pitching and women
01:50:50Brian Atlasshould stop advertising so I think it's the case that like oh well you know as long as I'm not directly attempting to like approach a
01:51:02Brian Atlasguy that's not that's fine or if I turn down guys at bars that's fine but that was women were never initiating conversations with men women were never
01:51:14Brian Atlasinitiating conversations with men to begin with like we use different strategies to get similar outcomes so it's just totally different and and behaviorally I get the I get the distinction that y'all making between
01:51:26J'Quanlike guys say I want to get laid tonight so I'm going to go out or the goal is to get laid you don't say that you and your girls don't say that like oh let's go get laid tonight y'all don't say that [ __ ] but what I'm saying is if your intent is not to get laid that doesn't
01:51:38J'Quanmean you're not going to get laid that doesn't mean you're not going to get to the club and see a cute guy and a cute guy is going to approach you and your girlfriend's going to say oh you know well we'll let you go back home with him
01:51:49J'Quanor whatever ever the case may be a lot of the time this [ __ ] happens so so on the outside looking in it's easy to say yeah that's not our intention but what we see actually happening in reality is
01:52:00J'Quanthis is what actually happened women go out they end up getting [ __ ] it's it's not me and my friends well well but I'm yeah I don't want you to personalize it but but the but the the point is this
01:52:12Nicolehappens and it happens often it happens all the time it's going to happen tonight everywhere that's part of being young I think that's also but that but that's what we're saying but that's also your perception because those are the experiences you've had and the women you
01:52:25Nicolesurround yourself with I'm sure you're a guy that goes out and gets laid so you assume that like all women go out and get I don't party your CL like I said oh so good for you again this you've never
01:52:36Nicolehad a one night stand of course I have like my freshman year of college and I'm growing constantly growing like I'm saying and I'm not trying to do that so when I that wasn't also my intention
01:52:47Nicolewhen I would go out it's exactly what you you said like pretty much you I like found some people cute and I ended up sleeping with them but again there's that self-control aspect and you live